My oldest turned 7 last weekend. When I think about Haley's infancy I think about all the books I read and the (although misguided) pressure I felt to "get it right" as a new Mommy. I religiously listened to the advice from my Mother-in-law, Mother, Grandmother-in-law, neighbors, random strangers, Doctor's and Nurses and did everything they told me to do (NOT saying don't ever listen to Doctor's or Nurses, but also follow your own instincts). I can't remember all the advice I was given, but some include;
"Put the baby on a nursing schedule"
"Do not feed her more than once every 3 hours"(Didn't happen)
"Do not let her nurse for comfort" (I still did)
"Use formula when you're out, don't breast-feed in public"
"Never put her in bed with you"(Didn't happen)
"SUPPLEMENT"
"Cry it out"
"Start solids now"
"Wait to start solids"
"You need to sleep train her, or she'll be spoiled"
"Don't carry her around, she'll get spoiled"
"Don't run to her every time she cries, she'll be spoiled"
"Put her to sleep, on her back, in her own room, or she'll be spoiled"
people seemed to always be worried I was going to spoil my baby girl. What's a new Mommy to do? I tried, I really did, to be the Mom I thought I was suppose to be, but something just didn't feel right. I always felt like I was failing every time someone told me to do something differently.
It took me almost a year to realize that parenting isn’t about being right or wrong, it’s about constantly learning and discovering what works for you as a family, even if it's different from what everyone else does. My parenting has changed a lot in 7 years. When it came to our second daughter, I still heeded the advice I was given, but followed my instincts more. With this baby I am confidently parenting the way I want to parent and I know it's what's right for our family and best for my kids. Now...
~We cloth diaper. It's just the better choice for us all around.
~I wear my baby, when we are home or out and about, he can nap, feel secure, and hang out with me while I clean or cook...I don't believe you can spoil a baby.
~We co-sleep. We ended up co-sleeping with Haley and Lindsey too, but I never told anyone, because "Babies are suppose to sleep in cribs". Now I believe my baby is suppose to sleep near me, able to breast feed and cuddle easily.
~I BREAST FEED in PUBLIC (gasp!) Rusty has never received formula and i've never been hunched in a dirty bathroom stall or sitting in a hot car nursing my baby. He nurses in the Ergo or under a cover, usually no one even notices he is nursing.
~Rusty did not have solids early on and we practice baby led weaning.
~I'm not self-conscious about my parenting anymore. I do not compare myself to other Mothers and I don't compare my kids to other kids. I've never asked what percentile someone else's baby is and honestly, I'm not sure what percentile Rusty is in right now.
I'm sure there are other things we have tweaked and do differently now. We are still learning and evolving as parents as well and that's OK.
All in all, I feel like I am a better Mother, because I'm more relaxed and confident. My kids are all well adjusted, smart, happy little beings.
